Everything happens for a reason. That’s something that I’ve quickly learned to embrace these last few months. The people who are meant to stay in your life will fight for you, day in and day out. And the ones who aren’t, entered your life to teach you a lesson. For awhile I didn’t know what my lesson was. But I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I know what it is. I know the love that I deserve. And I’ve learned that most of that love needs to come from within. Self love is something that I’ve worked so hard on these last couple of months. I’m treating myself with compassion. I’m honoring my emotions. I’ve started a daily gratitude journal, something that has truly changed my outlook on life. I’m reading books on how to embrace yourself and to stop self sabotage. I’m confident in the woman that I am and I can say that I love the woman I’m becoming. I love that I love so hard. I love my quirks, that I unashamedly have a crush on Severus Snape, so much so that my phone automatically corrects it to ‘SEVERUS’. I’ve worked so hard at my job, working to prove myself, not only to the company, but to myself as well. I am not the same person that I was in November. I have grown so much. The energy that I’m outpouring and what I’m allowing myself to receive has been monumental in my journey.
I deserve to be loved out loud and unashamedly. I shouldn’t have to ask for reassurance, to feel like you don’t find me beautiful or that you never miss me. That coming to see me is a chore. I love so whole heartedly and I deserve a love that matches that. And you know what? I’ve found that. I get random texts or voice messages telling me that I’m beautiful. Silly videos to brighten my day. A phone call on the way home from work because he missed my voice. Constantly touching me in some way to assure me he’s there. Holding me throughout the night. Treating me to date night because I deserve to be spoiled or making me dinner because I’m terrible at feeding myself. But also giving me my “me time” so I don’t lose myself. Checking in throughout the day to let me know he’s there but also letting me have my freedom. Love does not need to be a ball and chain. Love is freeing and supportive and kind. It’s uplifting and affirming. Not only from your partner, but from yourself as well.
